Hesitancy

If I had to pick one word to define me…. well, there are a lot of words I’d pick, and so I wouldn’t.

But hesitancy would be one of the top choices.  It’s a flaw, and a weakness, and I hate it so, so much, but I am HESITANT.  I don’t want to offend, I don’t want to mess up, I don’t want to make a bad impression, and so I wait, and I hesitate.  It doesn’t really matter how important or serious or involved it is, it’s just the fact that it involves another person and action and that makes me second guess every word I write, and makes me delay starting and finishing, and I’ll edit an email then wait to send it till the next morning when I can check it over and make sure I didn’t leave anything important out–

And then, I send it, and it ends up being so simple, and so much later than anything of its sort needs to be, and I’ve lost the face I was so desperately trying to save.

So this blog is an exercise in unhesitancy.  In writing, and not worrying about perfect, or even about having all my research and thoughts linked and documented and backed it.  It’s an exercise in unfiltered expression, brutal honesty, and confronting myself and my fears.  I’m sure it will mostly be ramblings about the life of a housewife, or about sex, or gossip, but still.  A lack of hesitancy.  A lack of putting things off.  An embracing of short drafts, and telling people to go google the research their own damn selves,