I don’t understand modest fashion, especially modest fashion blogs

Modest fashion just seems like an oxymoron to me.  The idea behind modesty seems to be making yourself unappealing– or at least sexually unappealing– but the fashion blogs seem to stress dressing in a feminine, attractive way.  Which… if you’re looking “feminine” and “attractive”, it seems like you’re still cultivating sexual appeal, just a different type of sexual appeal.  It seems to invoke a spirity of coyness, rather than blatantness, and to still be courting male attention, but trying to shift responsibility off the self by saying that it’s modest.  

A lot of “modest fashion” is rather similar to what I wear on a daily basis when I’m making an effort to look nice, if I subbed out jeans for a knee length skirt.  And yet, that effort to look nice isn’t just an effort to look dressed– it’s an effort to look attractive to my husband, while being context appropriate. Meaning, I might slut it up for a late night date, but for an afternoon at the coffee shop, I need to have my boobs covered, but I still want to get him thinking of me as a sexual being.  I just want to minimize strange men staring at me, while enticing my husband to.  So it’s a coyness– All my naughty bits are covered up, and I’m not wearing anything skin tight, but the hint is still there and it’s still sexy.  and… it looks just like some of the modest fashion I’ve seen.  Hell, some modest fashion style manages to draw even more attention to the breasts than what I normally wear– outfits with cinched lowcut vests over white dress shirts or tops with ruffles may not be revealing, but they aren’t exactly turning the mind away from breasts, you know?

It bothers me for a couple of reasons.  The first is that the idea that women should dress modest is insulting to men.  The second is that it practically asks people to be judgemental of those who don’t fit their idea of “modesty”.  And the one that’s most relevant to the idea of modest fashion is that it’s hypocritical.  If you want to truly be modest, why are you spending so much time on trying to look attractive?  You’re just a different side of the coin that you claim you’re trying to not be.

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